In Dire Need of Creativity

I recently received the following questions in an email from the women at my church. The responses are used to make short, monthly spotlight to help everyone get to know each other better.

Since I've been little, I have expanded the truth on most questionaires: I would tell my teachers that my mom was an exotic dancer and my dad was a dolphin trainer.

I really couldn't care less what the responses are (truth is variable and subjective anyways...right?), but I would like to perhaps, entertain (or confuse) the ladies that may read my spotlight (if and when I actually happens).

If you have any suggestions for any or all of the questions below, please, humor me.

Full Name:
Names and ages of children:
Where did you grow up:
Where else have you lived/traveled:
What is your occupation:
What are your hobbies/What do you do with your free time:
Is there anything unique about you that the women in our church might not know?
Favorite Scripture:
Anything else:

100 Great Products to Honor 100 Forgettable Posts

A Blog to Endorse Commercialism

For my 100th blog, I wanted to share with you 100 of my guilty pleasures and favorite things (like Oprah, except, I really don’t have influence on anyone and you won’t actually be getting these products).

In the order they came out of my head:

1. Sephora Grapefruit lotion (you will literally salivate)

2. Double Stuf Oreos

3. California Rolls from Costco

4. Jergen’s Ultra Healing Lotion

5. Burt’s Bees Wax Lip Balm

6. Estée Lauder MagnaScopic Mascara (though I can’t afford it)

7. Loreal Voluminous Black Mascara (the one I can afford)

8. Mary Kay Cream Foundation (wet your sponge for best coverage)

9. Welch’s Grape Juice

10. Peach Citrus Fresca

11. Urban Decay XXX Shine Cooling Glittery Lipglosses (the tingle is addicting)

12. Pantene Curl Defining products

13. BioSilk Serum

14. RedKen Blonde Glam Pure Pearl

15. Almond Joy

16. Wal-Mart Smiles Fruit Snacks

17. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese

18. Swedish Fish (red only)

19. Dark Chocolate M&M’s

20. McDonald’s Fruit and Yogurt Parfait

21. McDonald’s Vanilla Ice Cream Cone

22. Bajio’s Green Chile Chicken Salad

23. Smokehouse’s Margarita Pizza

24. Parmesan Crusted Tilapia from Sam’s Club

25. Harry and David’s Moose Munch

26. Harry and David’s Relishes (with cream cheese)

27. Juicy Couture Parfum Spray (my mom has it…I’m jealous)

28. Chanel Allure (Paul-wear it more often)

29. Giorgio Armani Acqua Di Gio (warning: may cause irrational loss of decorum)

30. “The Office” Season 1

31. “The Office” Season 2

32. “The Office” Season 3

33. Mary Kay “Sheer Blush” Lipstick

34. Mary Kay “Satin Hands” Collection

35. Mary Kay “Satin Lips” Collection

35. Mary Kay “Sugar Plum” Eye color

36. Mary Kay “Whipped Cocoa” Eye color

37. Maybelline “French Vanilla” Eyeshadow

38. CHI flat iron

39. CHI 1” Curling Iron

40. CHI hair dryer

41. Costco’s Haagen-Daz Ice Cream Bars

42. Nuffin Inc., Writing Boards (the #1 best thing for Sacrament Meeting)

43. Sharpie Fine Point Permanent Markers

44. Jack Handey Quotes (seriously, one a day will change your life)

45. TheraTears Eye Drops

46. Equate (Wal-Mart) IB-Profin

47. Sonicare Toothbrush

48. Crest Glide Floss

49. Caruso Steam Curlers (I don’t know if these are still being sold, but they rock)

50. Lacross Tweezers (from Wal-Mart, with the orange finger grips)

51. Grand Parisian Salad Mix from Costco

52. Roasted Chicken from Costco

53. Pepperidge Farm Milan Cookies

54. Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider

55. Wendy’s Vanilla Frosties

56. Wendy’s Chocolate Frosties

57. Wendy’s Rootbeer Frosty Floats

58. Taco Bell Grilled Stuffed Chicken Burrito (they’re way too pricy)

59. Stauffer’s Animal Cookies

60. FiberOne Chocolate Granola Bars

61. FiberOne Honey Clusters

62. FiberOne Original

63. Skintimate Pear-Scented Shave Gel (you’ll want to lick the skin off your legs)

64. Jelly Belly Juicy Pear (way better than the real deal)

65. Jelly Belly Buttered Popcorn (sweet, salty, and doesn’t get caught in your teeth)

66. Sun Chips

67. Campbell’s Cream of Chicken Soup

68. Brianna’s Poppy Seed Dressing

69. Ocean Spray Craisins (or the cheap brand)

70. Rold’s Gold Thin Twist Pretzels

71. Dollar Tree $1 Knit Gloves

72. Hershey Kisses

73. Any brand of Cinnamon Bears

74. Any brand of Wafer Cookies

75. Anna’s Ginger Thins

76. Crest White Strips Premium

77. Physicians Formula spf20 Bronzer

78. Kleenex with Lotion

79. Carnegie Deli Pickles from Costco

80. Philippine Dried Mango Slices from Costco

81. El Azteca Bean and Cheese Burritos

82. Berry Skittles

83. The orange Starburst in the Tropical Mix

84. The purple Starburst in the Tropical Mix

85. Comet Cleaner

86. Nexcare Waterproof Bandages

87. Any brand of Reusable/Disposable Containers

88. Victor Lock De-Icer

89. Fun-Size Reese’s Peanutbutter Cups (they’re better small)

90. AirHeads (I never eat them, but love them)

91. Oh Henry Bars (do they still sell those?)

92. Staples Brand CLX Gel Pens (black…never blue)

93. Orange Tic-Tacs

94. O’Keeffe’s Working Hands Lotion

95. Haribo Gummi Bears

96. Fountain Drink Refill Cups (save some money, save the world)

97. Heating Blankets (whatever brand will do)

98. Subway Veggi Delight Sandwiches (tons of lettuce & everything except jalapeños )

99. Redken Root Boost

100. Weigh Watchers Chocolate Cakes (like Zingers)


Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS and I'll see you soon!

Sunday Quotes

Paul and I keep mental lists of our favorite lines from the 5-year old class we have been asked to teach every Sunday for our church. They won't be as funny to you as they are to us, I know, because we can hear the hilarious ways they said all of these, and we don't already hear funny things from our own kids on a daily basis.

Here are a few of their remarks:

"This song better be short"



"I'll put it right there on his penis"
"What?!!!"
"I'll put it right there on his butt"
[he was placing a triangle ray on a sun]



"My brother steals. He steals from my grandma."



"I hate the foolish man" [referring to the "the wise man built his house upon a rock" song]



[After telling a story about sharing and taking turns]
"What if your little sister asked you to play on the swing and you yelled 'NO' and punched her in the face...would that be a good example?"
"No. But it would be so funny."



"How long is this going to take? Will it take until I count to infinity? It's always infinity."



"I can see your skin [pointing to my chest]. There are two bumps. What are those?" [I took note of that bra brand and style. Apparently it fooled a 5-year old.]



There have been countless others which didn't make the cut (I forgot them), but if this pose deems successful, more will probably come as our class changes with the new year. Until then bon appetit!

For Those of Us Who Still Like Adolescent Jokes

My parent's good friend (and I would like to call him my friend too) Splinger Moosebutt nearly brought me to tears with this, one of his many hilarious and totally original posts.

All I can say about it, is that it left me giggling and satisfied. [That's what she said.]

(I hope this is OK, Splinger. If you want me to take this down, please let me know. I don't know how exclusive you want your blog to remain)

Christmas Quiz

Here you go Jason (I fulfilled my tag). For this I would like to specifically tag Klarissa (actually, I don't care if you actually repost this, I just miss your writing you never post and you freaking crack me up).

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper with bows


2. Real tree or artificial? Real, with a hazardous amount of lights


3. When do you put up the tree? Just after Thanksgiving


4. When do you take the tree down? In the spirit of tradition, January 01


5. Do you like eggnog? Ya, but just a shot here and there


6. Favorite gift received as a child? I don't know that it was my favorite, but the one that stands out is the stuffed animal cat.


7. Do you have a nativity scene? Mmmhm, with love from my Grandparents Ludwig (both HUGE nativity connaisseurs)


8. Hardest person to buy for? Paul (he gives the funniest, sweetest, most heartfelt, thoughtful gifts...I can't live up to it)


9. Easiest person to buy for? Girls who like lotion and candles


10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? can't think of any...unless white elephant gifts count...then it was the diaper full of melted Reese's peanut butter cups.


11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail, even though I don't mail


12. Favorite Christmas Movie? "Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas" (my assumption is that few of you have seen this, so synopsis: Basically, it's that old story with hair clip and the watch chain...but it includes some poor, but vocally gifted otters battling out with the crude hooligans in "The Riverband Nightmare Band.")

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? before Christmas


14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Who me? Uh...no...why do you ask? (that hymn book was engraved wasn't it? I told Paul to check it first)


15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? homemade caramel...homemade fudge...homemade tacos...then New Years Eve and Day...homemade stuffed mushrooms...prime rib...potatoes...


16. Clear lights or colored on the trees? now it's those incredible LED lights that are really white white and not clear which is really yellow


17. Favorite Christmas song? way too many...I'm a Christmas music junkie


18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home


19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? I will answer that question with a question...actually I won't. Yes. Yes, I can.


20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Whatever, right now we have some sort of metallic contraption...but the great thing is and we're receiving 73 extra cable stations for free!


21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One on Christmas Eve, the rest in the morning


22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? snow


23. What I love most about Christmas? See #15

The Stars Aligned--Sing Great Praises!

I had come to terms with the fact that I would never again see my sweet wedding ring. I had scanned every parking lot on my hands and knees. I had retraced steps. I had gone through garbage cans for crimney's sake. It was gone forever in my mind. I had accepted it.

BUT OH MY GOSH!

2:51PM, Provo, UT: This guy who works in the warehouse portion of my work, who I have really only said hi to in the over 3 years I have worked here saw me come into work this afternoon. I waved and he kept walking (yes, I know, I'm making this way longer than it needs to be) then he stopped and backed up and held something up between his fingers, "This isn't yours is it?" ("it's not your ring, Kira, calm down," I was telling myself) I got closer and it was!!!

MY RING IS FOUND!!! I nearly kissed him! I was elated! I still am. He said he found it in one of the cracks in the parking lot. This is where I should write one of those gushy thankful posts about how blessed I am. I am totally blessed...but I'll leave the gushy up to my sister, Karli.

It's Hanukkah (or is it Chanukka)

Happy Hanukkah to all! I am doing a lot better today (still wedding ring-less, but good)! Thanks everyone for your sweetness. My brother Ky reminded me of this treasured holiday early this morning and so I wanted to spread the Festival of Lights joy. My mom is great at making yum yum yummy Hanukkah foods to celebrate...on that note...can we come over tonight mom?

Everything's fine...I'm just having a meltdown

So it's one of those days. Everything is due this week; I have finals next week; I am tired; I am sick; I am at my wits end with my right eye: it hurts and it is no longer allowing me to wear make-up: the one thing that gives me solace and makes me feel human on bad days ... and to tip the scales ... I discovered my ring missing at approximately 11:47am today (I swear I had it this morning...maybe I didn't...anyways...I went to pretty drastic measures to find it...all of which were failed attempts. I am torn between letting go (realizing it is a lost cause) and hoping one of those Chicken Soup for the Soul stories will happen to me and I will find it growing around a carrot in my future garden somewhere (you're right, I'll just give up...it makes me sound less crazy).

*breath* *breath* *breath*

I have lost all ability to emotionally cope at this time. I realize I am being dramatic; but, please, just allow me one this time.

Please join me on tomorrow's complaint-less edition, where I will highly medicated and happily institutionalized.

Top Holiday Flicks

These are my top holiday flicks ("It's a Wonderful Life" and "Mr Kruger's Christmas" are not there because I've never seen them, I know, I should, I know, it makes me less Christian for never having seen them. Sorry. I'll make it my Christmas goal)

in no particular order:

Emit Otter's Jug Band Christmas (OK, this might actually be my favorite)

Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer

Elf

A Christmas Story

Santa Clause is Coming to Town

The Year Without a Santa Clause

A Charlie Brown Christmas (thanks for reminding me Mike)

That old Muppet Christmas special with John Denver

Home Alone

Muppet Christmas Carol (OK, cat's out of the bag...I love the Muppets...I've got 3 of their movies on this list alone)

Miracle on 34th Street (the newer one with Dylan McDermott...my first crush ever...can you blame me? Even at 10 I had good taste. And again, I haven't seen the old one)

Look at those rich blue eyes and then you'll see why I could care less if I ever see the old version. MmmmMMMmmmmMMMmmmmm!