This re-entrance to the blog scene is dull.

Regardless, I feel compelled to blog again.

I want to talk about my jeans.

These are my favorite jeans.


As is noted in the image above, these jeans include several features no longer available in jeans purchased within the last 7 years. This is why I have taken such care in the preservation of said jeans.



The jeans fared well over the first two years, however I have spent the last three years carefully re-crafting the jeans internally with iron-on denim patches. The glue backing to the patches obviously creates a stiff thickness that is not common in traditional denim, thus these jeans can now stand upright without human assistance.

The past 8 months have been particularly difficult for the jeans. The knees practically refuse to bend without breaking; the thighs are nearly bare; the ripped-out hem is in shambles, and wear on the crotch makes Sex in the City look like High School Musical.



I know I need to mercy kill the jeans. Every time I look at them I hear faint echo of trumpets playing "Taps."

I fear the jeans are now creating their own holes in an effort to self-destruct. They know I don't have the guts to do it myself.

Sadly getting rid of these jeans represent several things that I am not ready to face yet; the most daunting of which is trying to find new jeans to replace them.

Since I shamelessly cannot yet remove these jeans from my life, I will continue my initial plan of patching the insides enough that I can simply flip the jeans inside out to reveal a pair of identical, however more durable, jeans hidden on the inside.

Corrections and Clarifications

1. JLo actually tagged me for the quiz below first. Not Jason. Apparently he stole her thunder.

2. Katrine, ride on Jon's bullet bike whenever you want. I bet you look at hot as Morgan Fairchild playing the role of herself playing the role of Dottie on "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" riding on the back of Pee Wee's bike, where Pee Wee is, of course, played by James Brolin, playing the part of himself playing the part of Pee Wee.


3. If your wedding invite includes more than one happy picture of yourself...great. good. I'm just sharing an opinion and not judging...in fact, if you are any friend of mine, you may just be hot enough that multiple pictures are merited.

Ummm So You Totally Think I Rock...and Now There's Proof

I know you all think I'm the bomb-diggidy...and I don't blame you. I mean, if you told me I rocked...who I am to call you a liar?

So here is the newest trophy to squeeze on my cluttered bloggy mantle



Thank you Jason...I can't believe you chose me when you have a haram following of female bloggers.

This award comes with a little quiz so you can all indulge in tasty tinbetts about my ever so fascinating life.

And this is the quiz that goes along with the award:

A. attached or single? Attached


B. best friend? St. Tropez Instant Tan Lotion


C. cake or pie? does the cake have frosting? yes. then pie.


D. day of choice? Thursday


E. essential item? really thick, padded, push-up bra


F. favorite color? the green of my eyes


G. gummy bears or worms? Haribo bears



H. hometown? Orem--Family City, USA



I. favorite indulgence? See's Chocolate



J. January or July? July


K. kids? zippo



L. life isn't complete without? sarcasm



M. marriage date? Oct. 07



N. number of brothers & sisters? 3 bros...3 sistas


O. oranges or apples? is the apple covered in caramel? no. then oranges.


P. phobias? birds


Q. quotes? "You harder to get a hold of than a greased pig at the county fair."--My Grandpa left on a voice mail message for me


R. reasons to smile? free anything



S. season of choice? summer



T. tag seven peeps! Does anybody else thing 7 is a lot


U. unknown fact about me? I look at the amount of Dietary Fiber in nearly everything


V. vegetable? Is stir fry a vegetable?


W. worst habits? Forgetting...everything


X. x-ray or ultrasound? x-ray...um who thought of that?


Y. your favorite food? My mom used to say this and now I know why: Anything somebody else makes for me.


Z. zodiac sign? Capricorn

Katrine also gave me a pity award several weeks back. But I'm over it now and pretending like it is totally legit.



There are a bunch of instructions and rules for this one...which kinda makes it like giving someone a puppy for a gift...here's your present...enjoy working and spending money on it.


Here are my 5 nominees: I am giving them accoding to specific post which I really enjoyed.

1. Reagan for this post about her auditioning for American Idol and including this line in the post "Once you have seen a gyno nothing makes you nervous"

2. A Wynn Wynn Situation for actually framing panties and making me want to do the same thing.

3.Webb on the Web because I knew her in high school and had my assumptions that she was the shyest, quietest, and most conservative girl on the block. This post changed all that and I couldn't be more happy about it.

4. Moosebutt I couldn't find my favorite, "That's what she said..." post, but here is one of them that illustrates what a clever moosebutt this fellow is.

5. 101 Reasons I'm Not the Mother of the Year because she is witty and the only mom I know who confiscated her sons imaginary cookies.

A Couple of Things I Learned While While I Stopped Blogging

I don't know how I blogged before, because I seriously cannot think of content right now to save my life. I have, however, learned a lot about the world over the past several weeks. I'll share. But don't expect anything spectacular.

• 2% Milk is 100% better than skim. I am the only one who drinks milk in our house of 2, so I buy the fat free because it makes me feel like I am loosing weight when I open my fridge to words like "diet," "fat free," and "with a ton of seasonings to cover it up, you can pretend that this actually tastes like butter." I drank 2% this weekend, I felt like was drinking milk from the udder of a golden calf.

PS: Can anyone explain to me why Mary Kate and Ashley are either still alive or still cared about enough that people would photograph these two creepy, doped-up twin corpses?

• Taking pictures of events requires bringing your camera. And no matter how much you say it, you probably won't end up getting copies from other people.

• No matter how wide the isles at the grocery store, one person can always manage to block the entire thing off. Those people can and will use all their resources, carts, children, friends, etc, to ensure that you cannot get past them without awkwardly requesting for their "inconvenient" adjustment.

• Do not ride on the back of a bullet bike. If you actually saw a picture of yourself crouched, doubled over in a frog-like fetal positing resting on someone's back, you would never do it again.

Note: I did not say the following to insult or make anyone mad. Really, it's just an opinion, not something I judge people by. Paul told me I could make people mad with this.
• Wedding invitations should be limited to a single picture of the couple. There is a point where the invitation includes so many additional pictures of the couple that it begins to look self-indulgent: as if you think that you are so attractive, that a single picture just will not suffice...no no, everyone must see what we look like smiling, cuddling, kissing, playing, and of course, walking away holding hands.

I don't know Judd or Ellie, but wish them the best in their marriage all the same.

• VH1 is a black hole of productivity and brain capacity. The channel runs a stream of "I Love the [fill in any given year or decade]," countdowns, reality shows, and where-are-they-nows that if seen, cannot be turned away from. It is not possible for me to just know what the #53-#49 top songs of the 90's were. I have to know the #1, even if that means sacrificing the proceeding seven hours.

Look at this cornucopia of glitter, fashion, music, and trash. Can you blame me? Shut up...you do the exact same thing...and right now you are thinking of that thing Britney said on "The 40 Dumbest Celebrity Quotes Ever" and you are laughing...and agreeing with me.

• Even if my hair was fixed as perfect as my hair is capable of, it still wouldn't looks as good as Laura's does when hers has been camped in and not washed in 3 days.