Lacking Productivity

Back to My Roots

2009-11-02T16:44:00.003-07:00

When you blog all the time, you the world as all things blogable.
When you don't blog, it seems as if there is nothing to talk about, so you continue to not blog. It's a vicious cycle.

This is my attempt to get out of the trap.

I am going to start small, with Halloween pics. Lame. I know. But This is how people start blogging, right? Just pictures of themselves, then they move into documenting every breath that their children take, then they graduate to riveting commentary on life and humanity...and since I don't have kids, ideally, I'll skip right to the riveting commentary part after I lure you in with my good looks and charisma.

Previous Post Removal

2009-10-25T08:48:00.003-07:00

Paul had a night to sleep on his decision to allow me publish the previous (now non-existent) post. He came to realize exactly how vast the interweb is and asked me to remove said post. I am accommodating his wishes.

So if the previous post is still on your reader, and you got the now rare chance at seeing a glimpse of my life at home, simply and quietly note exactly how lucky you are.

Thank you.

Public Restroom Ed: Always Look Both Ways

2009-07-28T14:43:00.008-07:00

I just returned from ghetto shopping with my mom, sister, and grandpa. I like to ghetto shop when I have the chance. I like the trashy, bargain bin places, and I appreciate the insanity of a clearance sale.

These, however, are not places you often want to pee at.

But sometimes you don't have a digestive track regular enough to deny any chance at disposing waste from your body ... just saying.

The store we happened to be at today, fortunately, has decent lavatory, you wouldn't want to, I don't know, say, pass out on the floor (story coming soon) or something, but you can do the deed and get on with your life.

Upon entering the facilities, I see that the handicap stall is available. I love the handicap stall. It tends to be the furthest back (which appeases my rules ) and has enough space to feel more private and secluded, which is always a nice touch. Upon my excitement of being booked in the public restroom suite, I failed to check the TP status.

I grab the toilet seat cover/condom/gasket/thing, drop my drawers, and the first few instants are off to a great start. I literally thought to myself that this was going to be a record time experience (I typically get stage fright in such situations). Then I reach for the toilet paper.

Roll #2 of the dual action dispenser is out.

I strike a hopeful glance to Roll #1. Ahhhh! (the sigh, not Aaaah! the scream) There was still a single, whimsical serving left in Roll #1 before some over-zealous TP fiend who switched the slider to Roll #2.

I then proceed to reach my hand under the dispenser to simply swap the slider from Roll #2 back to Roll #1, but apparently racy adjustments like that are overstepping the boundaries. The slider was jammed or locked or just plain cruel because I couldn't move it at all.

Unaware that my feat would be in vain, I contort my body to cock my head to the underside of the dispenser to look for a switch or lever or button to release the contraption's death grip.

After adjusting enough to have the public john auto-flush device engage on my desperate cheeks not once, but twice, and having a whole slew of graphic images of what creatures could be touching my lady parts with every drop of water that flew up to splash the sunless, nether regions of my delightfully chubby body, I rose the white flag and began to try to snake my hand up the mechanism to take the paper for myself.

My urgent attempt resulted in several scratches, but I was still able to reach the toilet paper with my middle and pointer fingers. Enduring one more miserable auto-flush and unable to achieve more than shredding the small remains of the roll into streamers of tissue confetti, I scrounged the remnants until I had enough to fulfill my needs, and did not have to turn to Plan C which involved using the toilet seat cover/condom/gasket/things (which I might add, are rough on such tender areas and are completely non-absorbent) as a final replacement.

I got my act together, and felt somewhat victorious, as I glanced back, wishing I could warn the next handicap stall victim, to see a full, new, 24" industrial roll of toilet paper on a hook, on the opposite side of the toilet.

Thoughts on Dining Out

2009-07-23T15:29:00.006-07:00

us at Yellowstone while we were still showered and gorgeous

I'm too lazy to ~~care~~ count how many times I have posted in the last year or so, but it has been far less than a handful.

I blame myself.

I have no excuse for my absence. I just got out of the habit, and in turn, have disappointed the countless people who accidentally tumble onto my blog while searching riveting topics such as "adolescent jokes."

But something that has been on my mind, that I have not seen addressed by the likes of the blogs I frequent, is a distressing matter concerning going out to eat. I like going out to eat, yet I don't seem to maintain the same value system that some of my restaurant companions do.

I frequently, not always, but almost always, finish all of my food when I go out. I have a healthy appetite and room to contain it, so I prefer to finish as much of my meal as close to when it was prepared as possible. Apparently, this is not normal.

There is some code among women that you should not finish your meal (or at least not in front of each other). Perhaps they really do all just have adorable, little, dainty, sweet appetites, and it has nothing to do with just wanting to look like that, so when I finish scraping every last penny of succulent bliss off of my plate, and look up to see them still poking their way around a half piece of chicken still laying on a full bed of rice pilaf with their first glass of ridiculously over-priced Diet Pepsi still three-quarters full, I feel like some sub-human, vacuum form of a cow.

Then after picking at a few bites for 30 minutes and boxing up the remains of almost an entire meal, my slim-eating companions allow their meals to remain with us at the table for another 45 minutes while we talk inside, then they hold their now room temperature food in their styrofoam containers as we say our farewells outside for another 25 minutes. Then they put what is currently at the prime temperature to breed microorganisms in their 107-degree cars while they shop for another hour, then drive 10 minutes home, to what, put the over-sized bacterium in the fridge and eat for lunch tomorrow, give to the kids for a snack, pass off to the unassuming babysitter?

...and why is it that I feel like the gross one after I finish my meal when it is hot and fresh?

I Never Mentioned It

2009-03-18T07:17:00.003-07:00

But it is kind of a big deal.

I recently cleansed my life of the these

and said hello to these bad boys

which may not seem like a big deal, but those jeans were my ultimate frienemy, and it is tough to break from toxic relationships like that, especially when the only thing you have to replace them with is jeans that are only long enough for you because they made a 3-foot crotch in them, because apparently having really long legs is some sort of freak, birth defect, so nobody makes really long jeans that are long because the inseam in long. Yet having a super crotch, well that is perfectly normal, in fact, if someone needs jeans in a long length, companies should just assume that is because they are suffering from your typical lengthy crotch, while their legs are a standard 30-inches.

Thank you Big Star Jean Co., for having some sympathy for the sub-humans out there, with our flailing limbs, and our standard crotches. Hopefully one day TLC will take notice of us and produce a feature of us "Human Spider Monkeys," and play it right along side "Mermaid Girl" and "World's Heaviest Man Gets Married."

Seating Charts (with original illustrations)

2009-03-16T09:50:00.001-07:00

As my blog has been collecting dust a repeated offense has come to my attention that needs to be addressed: seating.

You see, I consistently find that regardless of how many empty seats there are, someone always comes and sits either right next to me or way too close. Seating should be looked at the same way I once heard that the men's restroom described. Essentially, if possible, you should not be able to hear the person closest to you, whether they are peeing or chatting on the phone.

As you can see, the process of finding a place is a matter of combining space, balance, and my personal anti-social tendencies. The first person comes as far from the door as possible, the next person takes the territory as far away from the first person and the third person must improvise to find something suitable in the middle.

The following is a series of diagrams of where to sit in different locations and social situations. These can all be downloaded, printed, and used as a regular resource for both those who were previously unaware of the social seating rules and for those who suffer the effects of those who break the norms.

Bonus points to whoever knows the name of the chair below.

Exhibit A: Line of chairs in a hallway or waiting room

Note how with both urinals and chairs the spacing is key. Under only the most dire circumstances should one sit directly next to another; and in many circumstances it is better to just opt out of sitting instead of parking yourself immediately beside someone else.

Exhibit B: Theater seating

Exhibit C: Transportation #1

Exhibit D: Transportation #2

Now, I know what you are thinking: what a waste of so many chairs. What you need to understand is that many of these chairs will, in fact, be filled by those who travel in parties and by the purses, briefcases, and other effects of those previously seated.

I encourage all of you to spread the word of the social seating chart. In time, those who break the rules will realize that the rules were created for our freedom, and that we are all better because they exist.

Happy Holidays! With Love, the Worst Blogger Ever

2008-12-23T12:15:00.006-07:00

Blogging used to be the least productive thing I did in my life, now it is the least productive part of my life.

In fact, I posted on my cousin's blog ages ago to get handmade gift, on the contingency that I would post saying that the first two people to post on my blog would also get a handmade gift from me to, if they do the same thing (a little handcrafted, pay it forward, if you will). And I am only finally doing that right now (so again, if you are one of the only two people to post on this blog, you will get a handcrafted, Lacking Productivity original, handmade gift, however, you must make the same offer on your blog).

Now, we are a little late on our holiday greetings, so to those of you who I would should send a card, here it is, in all of its completely lazy, blog-posted, Christmas card glory.

and here is what I would have written to you, my family, friends, and virtual buds who have meant something special to me this year (sorry to those of you I forgot or I am pretending that I forgot):

Mom, Dad, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
Thank you for everything. I know how lame that sounds, but it would be impossible to list all that you have done and meant to us over the past year. I don't know where I would be without any of you.

Mom, thanks for your understanding, humor, and good food.

Dad, thanks for your hard work, example, and patience.

Karli, thanks for your sharing, creativity, and forgiveness.

Konnie, thanks for your happiness, being easy going, and yummy treats.

Kohl, thanks for coming home, dedication, and sincere kindness.

Kyler, thanks for your sense of humor, getting me, and tough love.

Klarissa, thanks for your laughs, letting me torture you, and good taste.

Kevin, thanks for your funny comments, dances, and helping hands.

We hope you all enjoy the holiday season, the break, and the hundreds of feet of snow in front of your house. We love you!

Ray and Laura: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
Thanks for keeping us around even though I (apparently) shut the door too loud in the morning, and we have more vehicles than are possible to drive at any one time, and we just don't have the same great taste that you do. We have enjoyed our time being around, which I can't imagine is always said when family members live so close together. Happy holidays. We love you!

Daniel and Heidi: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
Congrats on the new baby...since we don't know if you have had it yet or not. Have you? Either way, we want to see pictures, know if the baby is a boy or a girl, and we want to know how everything is going as soon as possible! We love you and hope you have a great new year!

Jason, Giancarlo, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
I hope you guys get a chance to relax over the holidays and enjoy the season. You have had a long and busy year, but have been so classy through it all, but we wouldn't expect anything less from such an amazing family. You are in our hearts. We love you!

Katrine, John, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
Merry Christmas you guys! Get some rest and take a break from all the moving, but then quickly get back to work because we are so so triple excited to have you guys close someday soon! Good luck with everything and please let us know if there is anything we can do. We love you!

Kelly, Travis, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
Congrats on the new addition to your family this year. It has been so fun being able to see your blog this year and keep up with you more than I have ever have. You have a beautiful family, and the boys look as adventurous as possible. Have a great holiday season. We love you!

Zach, Ash, Saige, and Ryden: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
We need to see you guys more often. I don't know how many times we can say that, but we really need to one of these days. Congrats on the new baby (he is so stinking cute). Have a great holiday season. We love you!

Claire, Dennis, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
It has been great getting to know you better over the last few months. One of these days, I will get to speak to you in person and after ages of enjoying you through a computer screen, I will get to know the real person. Your words and thoughts and changed me. Thanks for sharing yourself. We love you!

Mike, Page, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
It feels like ages since we saw you last, I hope you guys find some great excuse to visit down here soon, or perhaps you would like to move? You always have a million things going on at once in your life. I hope you are enjoying every bit of it. Merry Christmas! We love you.

Dan, Jana, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
We really adore you folks. You are clever, funny, and tolerant of the really crazy families. Thanks for letting us get to know you (and probably annoy you) over the past year. I'll invite you to eat my mom's food some time soon. We love you!

JLo and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
I don't know you, really, but I adore you. Thanks for letting me pretend like you are my friend, even though you are really just Jason's friend who lets me read her blog. You are totally cute and your family is adorable. I must must must meet you the next time we go see Jason, or the next time we go out might be to see you and we'll have to have dinner with Jason sometimes during the trip. ;D We love you!

Melissa, Jason, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
Thanks for being there for me so much these past few months. You have been such an incredible help and great person to vent to as I try to figure everything out. I am going to miss having class with you even though you are right next door. I hope you have a great, and very well-deserved winter break. Have a great vacation. We love you.

Jordan and Clay: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
I am so glad you have been enjoying yourselves so far away and that things seem to being going your way. Congrats on the new baby. I am so excited for you. Enjoy the holidays! We love you!

Bonny and Junaid: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
It has been so great hearing from you lately. Keep it up. You are a fantastic person and I am so excited to see where the future takes you. Enjoy the holiday season, and keep cooking all of those delicious things that you make. We love you!

Jenna: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorite!
Have a great holiday season! I hope things are working out great with you and your new life in a new place. I can't imagine you aren't making the most of everything, that seems to be one of the best parts of your personality. Keep in touch! We love you!

Karen, Chris, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
It has been so great to see what your family is up to lately. You kids are gorgeous and you all seem to have so much fun together. We really need to get together and have lunch one of these days. It would be so fun to see you. Have a great holiday. We love you!

Jessi, Dude, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
I hope you love your new home far away. It looks beautiful, and it seems like you guys are really enjoying yourselves. Your baby looks so sweet. I hope this year brings you the best of things, you really deserve it. Have a great holiday. We love you!

Dan: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorite! I hope being far away at some big, elite college is everything you hoped it would be; I'm sure it is. I hope life is serving you up the best, and you are enjoying it. Send me an email or something and let me know how everything is. Enjoy the holiday. We love you!

Stephanie, Andrew, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
You are so funny; it kills me! Thank you for sharing you life and stories with us. I always get excited to see what is going on in your crafty, clever, and so very honest life. Enjoy the holiday. We love you!

KaNeil and Oak: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
I totally miss you to pieces, but I am so excited for all that you two are up to. We have to get together while you are in town, even if it is just for a few minutes to catch up. I hope you love everything about your life right now and things are perfect for you. You deserve it. Have a great holiday season! We love you!

Royal, Danelle, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
It is always great to see you guys and your cutie-pa-tootie little one. I hope you guys have a great year, and everything keeps going as well in your lives as it seems to have been going. Best of luck with everything you are working hard on in your lives right now. Happy holidays! We love you!

John, Nicole, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
You have such a beautiful family and such large hearts. You are such and inspiration and so fun loving at the same time. It is so great to see the adventures in you life and the great ways you guys work through everything. Have a merry Christmas and a fantastic new year. We love you!

Reagan, Jon, and cat: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
You are totally my kindred spirit. Some of the things you say are right out of my own brain. I hope you are enjoying your posh life when "work" is at some incredible resort on a secluded and gorgeous, private island or in a 5 star hotel in Manhattan. Have a great Christmas. We love you!

Katie, Peter, and family: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
Your lives seem to be in such a great place right now. I hope everything keeps going your way; you absolutely deserve it. We need to get together sometime and have lunch or something to catch up. It would be fun to fill in all the blanks and share memories of the old days. Merry Christmas. We love you!

Mindy and Michael: Oh my gosh, you are seriously our favorites!
Now that we don't have class together, we are going to have to be tons better at planning on going to lunch. I hope things go so well in your future and student teaching is so fun (you are going to rock it, by the way). Have a great holiday break! We love you!

Way Back in August

2008-10-14T13:52:00.006-07:00

Paul got stung by a bee
in his mouth.

Normal Paul

Bee sting Paul

This re-entrance to the blog scene is dull.

2008-08-18T16:56:00.015-07:00

Regardless, I feel compelled to blog again.

I want to talk about my jeans.

These are my favorite jeans.

As is noted in the image above, these jeans include several features no longer available in jeans purchased within the last 7 years. This is why I have taken such care in the preservation of said jeans.

The jeans fared well over the first two years, however I have spent the last three years carefully re-crafting the jeans internally with iron-on denim patches. The glue backing to the patches obviously creates a stiff thickness that is not common in traditional denim, thus these jeans can now stand upright without human assistance.

The past 8 months have been particularly difficult for the jeans. The knees practically refuse to bend without breaking; the thighs are nearly bare; the ripped-out hem is in shambles, and wear on the crotch makes Sex in the City look like High School Musical.

I know I need to mercy kill the jeans. Every time I look at them I hear faint echo of trumpets playing "Taps."

I fear the jeans are now creating their own holes in an effort to self-destruct. They know I don't have the guts to do it myself.

Sadly getting rid of these jeans represent several things that I am not ready to face yet; the most daunting of which is trying to find new jeans to replace them.

Since I shamelessly cannot yet remove these jeans from my life, I will continue my initial plan of patching the insides enough that I can simply flip the jeans inside out to reveal a pair of identical, however more durable, jeans hidden on the inside.

Corrections and Clarifications

2008-08-05T17:57:00.004-07:00

1. JLo actually tagged me for the quiz below first. Not Jason. Apparently he stole her thunder.

2. Katrine, ride on Jon's bullet bike whenever you want. I bet you look at hot as Morgan Fairchild playing the role of herself playing the role of Dottie on "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" riding on the back of Pee Wee's bike, where Pee Wee is, of course, played by James Brolin, playing the part of himself playing the part of Pee Wee.

3. If your wedding invite includes more than one happy picture of yourself...great. good. I'm just sharing an opinion and not judging...in fact, if you are any friend of mine, you may just be hot enough that multiple pictures are merited.

Ummm So You Totally Think I Rock...and Now There's Proof

2008-08-05T09:38:00.001-07:00

I know you all think I'm the bomb-diggidy...and I don't blame you. I mean, if you told me I rocked...who I am to call you a liar?

So here is the newest trophy to squeeze on my cluttered bloggy mantle

Thank you Jason...I can't believe you chose me when you have a haram following of female bloggers.

This award comes with a little quiz so you can all indulge in tasty tinbetts about my ever so fascinating life.

And this is the quiz that goes along with the award:

A. attached or single? Attached

B. best friend? St. Tropez Instant Tan Lotion

C. cake or pie? does the cake have frosting? yes. then pie.

D. day of choice? Thursday

E. essential item? really thick, padded, push-up bra

F. favorite color? the green of my eyes

G. gummy bears or worms? Haribo bears

H. hometown? Orem--Family City, USA

I. favorite indulgence? See's Chocolate

J. January or July? July

K. kids? zippo

L. life isn't complete without? sarcasm

M. marriage date? Oct. 07

N. number of brothers & sisters? 3 bros...3 sistas

O. oranges or apples? is the apple covered in caramel? no. then oranges.

P. phobias? birds

Q. quotes? "You harder to get a hold of than a greased pig at the county fair."--My Grandpa left on a voice mail message for me

R. reasons to smile? free anything

S. season of choice? summer

T. tag seven peeps! Does anybody else thing 7 is a lot

U. unknown fact about me? I look at the amount of Dietary Fiber in nearly everything

V. vegetable? Is stir fry a vegetable?

W. worst habits? Forgetting...everything

X. x-ray or ultrasound? x-ray...um who thought of that?

Y. your favorite food? My mom used to say this and now I know why: Anything somebody else makes for me.

Z. zodiac sign? Capricorn

Katrine also gave me a pity award several weeks back. But I'm over it now and pretending like it is totally legit.

There are a bunch of instructions and rules for this one...which kinda makes it like giving someone a puppy for a gift...here's your present...enjoy working and spending money on it.

Here are my 5 nominees: I am giving them accoding to specific post which I really enjoyed.

1. Reagan for this post about her auditioning for American Idol and including this line in the post "Once you have seen a gyno nothing makes you nervous"

2. A Wynn Wynn Situation for actually framing panties and making me want to do the same thing.

3.Webb on the Web because I knew her in high school and had my assumptions that she was the shyest, quietest, and most conservative girl on the block. This post changed all that and I couldn't be more happy about it.

4. Moosebutt I couldn't find my favorite, "That's what she said..." post, but here is one of them that illustrates what a clever moosebutt this fellow is.

5. 101 Reasons I'm Not the Mother of the Year because she is witty and the only mom I know who confiscated her sons imaginary cookies.

A Couple of Things I Learned While While I Stopped Blogging

2008-08-04T09:40:00.006-07:00

I don't know how I blogged before, because I seriously cannot think of content right now to save my life. I have, however, learned a lot about the world over the past several weeks. I'll share. But don't expect anything spectacular.

• 2% Milk is 100% better than skim. I am the only one who drinks milk in our house of 2, so I buy the fat free because it makes me feel like I am loosing weight when I open my fridge to words like "diet," "fat free," and "with a ton of seasonings to cover it up, you can pretend that this actually tastes like butter." I drank 2% this weekend, I felt like was drinking milk from the udder of a golden calf.

PS: Can anyone explain to me why Mary Kate and Ashley are either still alive or still cared about enough that people would photograph these two creepy, doped-up twin corpses?

• Taking pictures of events requires bringing your camera. And no matter how much you say it, you probably won't end up getting copies from other people.

• No matter how wide the isles at the grocery store, one person can always manage to block the entire thing off. Those people can and will use all their resources, carts, children, friends, etc, to ensure that you cannot get past them without awkwardly requesting for their "inconvenient" adjustment.

• Do not ride on the back of a bullet bike. If you actually saw a picture of yourself crouched, doubled over in a frog-like fetal positing resting on someone's back, you would never do it again.

Note: I did not say the following to insult or make anyone mad. Really, it's just an opinion, not something I judge people by. Paul told me I could make people mad with this.
• Wedding invitations should be limited to a single picture of the couple. There is a point where the invitation includes so many additional pictures of the couple that it begins to look self-indulgent: as if you think that you are so attractive, that a single picture just will not suffice...no no, everyone must see what we look like smiling, cuddling, kissing, playing, and of course, walking away holding hands.

I don't know Judd or Ellie, but wish them the best in their marriage all the same.

• VH1 is a black hole of productivity and brain capacity. The channel runs a stream of "I Love the [fill in any given year or decade]," countdowns, reality shows, and where-are-they-nows that if seen, cannot be turned away from. It is not possible for me to just know what the #53-#49 top songs of the 90's were. I have to know the #1, even if that means sacrificing the proceeding seven hours.

Look at this cornucopia of glitter, fashion, music, and trash. Can you blame me? Shut up...you do the exact same thing...and right now you are thinking of that thing Britney said on "The 40 Dumbest Celebrity Quotes Ever" and you are laughing...and agreeing with me.

• Even if my hair was fixed as perfect as my hair is capable of, it still wouldn't looks as good as Laura's does when hers has been camped in and not washed in 3 days.

On Hiatus

2008-07-21T14:20:00.003-07:00

Sorry. I know my vast audience is waiting with bated breath for my next stirring post. I have been a such a disappointment lately. My sincerest apologies.

So I haven't posted because I haven't had anything to talk about lately...I am going through a lame, yet stressful, phase right now and I really don't have anything that could or should occupy or entertain anybody's mind except mine.

I am still here...just coming up with something to say.

The Coldest Heart in America: A Rant

2008-07-03T08:09:00.003-07:00

Call me heartless, call me cold, but this has been on my mind:

Am I the only person in America who doesn't like children singing voices?
It could, quite possibly, be a natural thing to think that your own child has a cute voice, but it is a far reach for me to think that the masses can see an unknown child, hear them sing and fall all over it.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Sure these kids memorized the words, and the boy suffers from autism which is unimaginable to me...but really folks...is this so-called talent really worth a chance at $1,000,000.000 good? Up against people who have trained for a life time good?

I fear this trend will spread. Next year's America's Got Talent is going to be chock full of these little rugrats and their $$$-eye-ed parents who only hear a loud "cha-ching cha-ching" everytime their kid opens his/her mouth.

5 Things Tag

2008-06-25T08:31:00.001-07:00

I got tagged [forever ago] by Mindy to write 5 things about me and 5 about Paul. We'll start with Paul.

5 Things about Paul

1. In the course of one season, Paul has turned into a basketball FANATIC. I have always said I can allow a man one sport to obsess over, apparently Paul has taken me up on the offer.

2. One time, Paul and I caught a home-makeover show with Clinton Kelly from TLC's What Not to Wear. Paul turned to me and confessed his respect for the man and his work. That night I knew I had the right man because he loves my favorite man of fashion.
(I picked this picture out just for you Paully baby...doesn't our Clinton look dapper)

3. He hates being called at the last minute. It stresses him out. Even for little things, he requires at least 24-hours notice.

4. He loves chess and monopoly. Both games are ones that I promised myself I would never play. Paul is great at having me eat my words.

5. Paul is a recovering idealist. I say recovering because he lives with me who sort of forces a world of hard skepticism on him regularly.

5 Things about Kira

1. I love knowing where phrases came from. I know it won't help me anywhere in the future, but it fits quite well with the rest of the useless information I have floating around upstairs (like how many Americans have genital herpes).

2. My two favorite foods right now can (and will inevitably) kill me. Philly cheesesteaks and mint brownies. Please serve them at my funeral. (

Unfortunately I don't ever get them.)

3. I love pretty much all kinds of music, rock, pop, hip-hop, any given decade, even soft rock love songs. I am not, however, a big fan of punk: I can only tolerate high-voiced, screaming boys who are mad at their dads for so long.

On the other hand, if punk music was played out of a huge radio being carried by a man in a tank with a purse, I may just have to enjoy the moment.

4. I think that ice cream is best in a cone. I can rarely learn to trust someone who goes for the cup when given the option between the two.

5. Lately I am starting to look old to myself. Last night Paul and I ordered a bunch of pictures from the last like 3 years, and I look so much older now than I did in the 3 year old pics.
Here is one from summer 2006 where I feel like I look like my age.

Here is one from this past winter with my 14-yr old sis, and I look like her old aunt. Granted the glasses add age, but I can't blame them for everything.

Sorry my posts all look so long lately!

15 Years in a Nutshell

2008-06-16T07:20:00.004-07:00

I was tagged by Karen

This is the plan: Think back on the last

15 years

of your life. What would you tell someone that you hadn't seen or talked to for 15 years? How would you sum up your life?

You get 10 bullet points. A list of 10 things to summarize you. At the end of your list, tag 5 more people and send on the love.

Well, lets start at

filling you in

with where I was at when I left my dear friend.

15 years ago takes us to

1993

(for those of us who count years in film and music, it was a good one. We are looking at "The Fugitive," "The Nightmare before Christmas, "Groundhog Day" "Schindler's List," --and a top fave of mine--

"Much Ado About Nothing."

In music: "I Will Always Love You" (Whitney Houston), "Have I Told You Lately" (Rod Stewart), "All That She Wants" (Ace of Base), "Cryin'" (Aerosmith),

and one we just saw in concert,

"Plush" (Stone Temple Pilots).)

I was

9 years old

and in the

3rd grade

. Learning

the only math that I would EVER

use in my life and reading The American Girl Collection: Molly McIntire specifically.

Now for the bullets:

1• In 4th grade I got the

child bearing hips

that you aren't supposed to have until your mid-30s. Unfortunately, that is the

only womanly asset

I would ever have.

2• At the beginning of 6th grade, my dad would

unknowingly cheat

my way into the advanced math class while installing the brand-new overhead microwave.

3• I was selected as having one of the winning entries for the DARE essay contest. I had the honor of communicating the danger of drugs to my fellow 6th graders at 1996 DARE graduation. I rest assured that each of my fellow classmates have remained clean because of the impact of my speech.

4• I survived junior high...even after the whole Mary Hickey incident--that trashy, annoying, incessant little brat, (and yes, I did just use her real-life first and last name, and yes, I did just go there.)

5• Summer 1999, Camilla and I determined the official hotness order of the members of Backstreet Boys, N*Sync, and all other relevant boy bands of the day, while discussing other pop-culture news, like Britney's tanning habits and Christina's suspiciously thin body.

6• In high school, I had a

habit of dressing up

, you could say. In a way, I was taking a feminist stand by repeatedly presenting myself in stereotypical male roles: Doctor, mechanic...pimp.

7• I spoke at high school graduation...of which the

only benefit

is telling people you spoke at high school graduation. Thanks for listening.

8• After high school, I finally got out of the awkward-looking stage that most girls phase out of somewhere

before 11-years old

.

9•

Minus so many gruesome details

: Six years ago (think "Hey Baby"--No Doubt), I met an unforgettable young man named Royal. Royal had a best friend named Ben. 5 years ago ("Pirates of the Carribean"), I met Ben. Ben asked me out. We went on a date. I was not interested in Ben [censored drama] but Ben and I kept in touch. 3 years ago ("Batman Begins"), Ben had someone cancel out on a double date he was planning with his brother. Ben called me last minute to see if I could fill-in. I went and I met his brother, Paul. (To connect the dots for Karen, both Ben and Paul are Jason's brothers).

10•

I married Paul

(Oct. 2006). Sorry Ben. Now we live happily in Ray and Laura's basement. (Ray is Ben, Paul, and Jason's brother too.)

Now I tag my mom because she doesn't have enough to do this week, my dad because he never posts, Laura because I can imagine she would have some colorful bullet points, Katrine because I love hearing about her life, and Mindy because she is good about posting regularly.

Public Service Announcement (UPDATED 06.10.08)

2008-06-09T13:49:00.008-07:00

After attending a concert this weekend, I realized that there are FAR TOO MANY people out there who do not have mothers quite as explicit as my own. After seeing nearly every social and fashion norm broken in a single venue, on a single evening, I feel it is my duty to explain some things to those who may not understand the what is appropriate and what is not.

Being that this is posted on my blog, I realize this is preaching to the choir. Odds are that you can probably stop reading now, because you already know these things. I also realize that most people break a rule or two on rare occasions, but only because of necessity or accident. Those moments are forgiven. There is only a problem when someone breaks a rule without even realizing that the rule exists.

HERE IS THE LIST:

• Look at the outfit from both sides. Even though the skirt looks long enough in the front, it might not be in the back.

• No matter how tight you squeeze your legs together, if your skirt is short enough, we can still see right up it.

• If it is mesh, do not touch it. No matter how refreshing it may seem to have tiny holes throughout your clothing like little air conditioners, do not be tempted. Quickly walk away, in fact, leave the store, boycott any non-athletic apparel store that sells mesh.

• Just because the shirt is tight does not mean it is sexy.

• Just because your stomach is showing, does not mean you look hot.

• Just because you can zip them up, doesn't mean that the jeans fit.

• Pencil thin is not an appropriate eyebrow measurement.

• Do not pluck, shave, Nair, laser, etc your eyebrows off. They are a vital part of your face. If you remove them, you will have to draw them back on which NEVER looks natural and often forces a single facial expression all day depending on if you drew happy eyebrows, angry ones, or surprised ones.

• The tongues of your shoes go inside the leg of your pants.

• Do not touch yourself or others in public. In fact, your rights to love outside of a closed and private area end when the rights of another to not feel totally nauseous begin. If you are moaning, groaning, sweating, or licking you have most assuredly crossed the lines.

• If you plan on being sloshed by 2:30 in the afternoon, find a babysitter. Child Protective Services frowns on planning for your 7-yr old to be your designated driver.

• Bras are necessary.

• Brastraps are not an accessory.

• If you plan using your bra as a shirt, choose something black, cute, or colorful. White with pit-stains is a bad choice.

• If you plan on flashing a crowd of people, you are only telling us that there is nothing above your breasts worth looking at.

• Similarly, wearing a shirt that is only quick movement away from letting the girls fly, is only a way to distract people from looking at your face.

• I know the salesperson at the mall kiosk told you it looked gorgeous and totally natural, but he/she is a liar and you got hosed. Allow me to inform you that your ponytail hairpiece looks fake, plastic, and childish.

• No matter how fit and thin you look while standing up, it doesn't matter when you sit on someone's shoulders. Your jeans will inevitably poke into your skin at the front (making you look rolly-polly) while sliding down in the back (and no, the little tugs you did to try to pull up you pants did not work, and yes, we can all still see your butt crack).

• Though a clever way to sneak in alcohol, drinking liquor from a clear plastic bag that is secured with a rubber band is entirely savage.

• If one side of your shirt tells everyone how easy, sleazy, and desperate you are, please use the other side of the shirt to list the STDs that you already have and are willing to get.

• It is an insult to the poor Asian children who sewed the sleeves on your shirt when you cut them off.

I hope this list is taken in the spirit is was written, the spirit of service, enlightment, and education.

These are just the things I came up with off the top of my head, perhaps I will make this a running list as thoughts come to my head or issues come up.

MY SOLUTION:

Print of a sheet of my custom cards below to keep in your wallet or purse. If you encounter a faux pas or obscenity, you can hand the card to the offender. The cards are a discrete way to educate those who have probably lived their lives in ignorance, perhaps with friends who knew, but were too embarrassed to say anything. You can finally be the one to get them some help. The card points the offender to this post where they can be informed of their mistakes. It's fast-acting and non-threatening.

Oh my gosh...so sorry I'm like totally lame-o

2008-05-29T11:12:00.006-07:00

Thanks to those of you who, when reading my title, read it with the appropriate Valley-girl accent. For those of you who didn't, please try again.

Ok...so sorry I haven't posted. I am now

healed

from the harsh wind/sunburn I exposed my poor/sensitive face to, except now my face is now

retaliating

with a minor breakout as aftermath of over a week of having an inch of Vaseline and aloe on it.

I quit my job. My last day was actually May 02, but I haven't mentioned it on the blog yet, so it may be news. I am more than thrilled to not be involved in the dishonest scam that is Indigo Media. It is refreshing to no longer be a

slave

for

incompetent, chauvinist, liars, con-artists, manipulators, nepotists, cheats, power-hungry mongroles, cut-throats, demons, and thieves.

(For a split second I thought, "You should end that phrase with

'bless their hearts'

so you don't sound so cruel...some of these folk haven't seen this side of you. You can say anything you want and end it in 'bless their hearts' and suddenly it sounds sweet, like a cute little BandAid over the whole thing." But then I remembered, if I were to give those people any kind of BandAid, it would be a

used one

that I found at

the bottom of a public swimming pool.

)

Presently, I am working from home. I am doing some freelance design, I tutor French, and I am becoming a worship-worthy housewife. The house is clean, the bed is made, the laundry and dishes are done, and dinner is finished by the time my love walks in the door from work where I am there to greet him as the very

image of perfection,

in a stylish, frilly apron, skirt, heals. After we finish the delightful dish I created for dinner, I let Paul relax in his easy chair and watch basketball while I dote around him and rub his feet. I'm hoping that if I keep up all this good work, my sweet husband will

reward me

with those new yellow cleaning gloves I've been wanting, I would love to keep my hands more delicate, no man wants a woman whose hands look worked.

Sorry, things are boring. It's just life as usual around here, except for the fact that I usually don't put a bra on until 4:30 in the afternoon.

No, I Don't Need the Address to the Women and Children's Shelter

2008-05-20T10:44:00.009-07:00

Well, we went cruising on a ship, came home and went cruising on the bike. Now, I am thoroughly beat up.

We (Paul and I) went with Ray and Laura to LavaPalooza, a charity ride for March of Dimes and Autism, to Lava Hot Springs in Idaho. We had a great time riding up to Lava with like 400+ other bikes...and doing the people watching of a lifetime.

We got to Lava and showed the world just how white and trashy we can be.

I naturally sported my sunscreen because I have ~~pasty-white~~ fair skin, but the sun and wind challenged me over the 2-day battle, and they put up a better fight. I look like the combination of a battered wife, someone after a face-lift and lip injection, and a clown who put her face in a panini maker.

We'll start out with a before...this was on May 08, 2008, so you have something to compare the afters with.

Today: (And the pictures actually wash out all of the red sunburn, so try to add that on top of the rest)

Shut up...I'm trying to smile

I know that my lips probably don't look like much to you, but note that I have tiny snake lips. Do snakes have lips, you ask. Probably not. It's the same with me.

Oh...and I needed to explain that my face is swollen...some of you may have just brushed the roundness off in an effort to be polite.

It looks a lot worse than it feels, actually I feel fine, but I thought I would post some pictures for your sympathies. And by sympathies, I mean food. And by food, I mean See's chocolates. And by chocolates, I mean not the Fruits and Nuts.

The Trip

2008-05-14T08:31:00.011-07:00

Because I know how much everybody loves to look at other people's vacation pictures, here are mine from last week:

Paul's artistic shot in San Diego

The Midway Museum, San Diego

A helicopter for Ben

A fire station museum place

Our souvenirs, Catalina Island (shut up, those glasses rock and sometimes a soda is worth $1.61)

Our self-guided bike tour of Catalina

So cute huh. Just ask and I'll send this one to you. Framed. And autographed.

Why I married him

The Idaho Pictures...finally

2008-04-28T10:59:00.020-07:00

Paul and the inevitable future according to age progression imaging.

BIG NEWS: We have the Internet at home now! (Big kudos to Ray!)

It is sorta weird actually, having access the outside world from home. Like when you first get a cell phone, and you are all excited to be able to use the phone when/wherever you want...but then you realize, everyone else can get a hold of you when/wherever they want and it isn't so glamorous after all. That is where I'm at. As of Saturday, I had an excuse for not returning emails and not getting bothered by anything Internet before nine, after five, and on weekends...now it won't be so easy.

This also no longer gives me an excuse for not uploading pictures more frequently.

So here are the month-old Idaho pics to go along with my previously posted captions.

We start our trip, pulling up to the back of a small white house, on a large lot, in the middle of close-to-nowhere.

Our friends were practically waiting for us at the back door. We quickly went inside to be greeted by the crowned jewel of the home...the wood burning stove. This little black pearl is surrounded by the work of Ray and Paul and "The Mexicans" (which, I assume, is the name of a local handyman establishment).

We made small talk in the living room amongst one of the most extensive Native American art collections I have ever seen...but little did we know, they would add to the collection that very day...

Before tearing up the town, we decided to take part of the scenery that is the backyard.

Burt discussing whether or not the goats are pregnant by the rental male they leased a few months ago...he is fairly positive they are pregnant judging on the sheer size of their "tits."

and my personal fave:

The Van has been Vonna's beloved companion for decades now.
I wish I would have looked harder to compile of list of its contents; however I am sure there are at least 2 broken sewing machines (which she loves to offer people, in case you're looking), 1 antique vacuum, 2 cases of canning jars, and several mismatched pieces of china.

After the garden tour, we were itching to go see the Shelton Chapel that Burt had been telling us about.

Have you ever notice how something seemingly insignificant can hold a special sparkle and value to you when it shares your name? Ya. That's the Shelton Chapel.

Sadly our tour plans were cut short when the doors were locked. We took a picture anyways to commemorate the occasion.
I call this one, "Moonboots on hallowed Shelton ground."

After a day of seeing many of the nearby sights (a richly historical antique store, Fred Meyers, and the local flee market), we made our way back.

Now, I know what you are thinking. "What is it that they added to the Native American artwork collection that you forshadowed above?"

This little beauty: a 50% off, original, authentic, signed at the bottom, identifiably genuine Navajo pot.
Move over wood burning stove--there competition in the house.

Realizing this is getting quite long (and you have no clue how much was left on the editor's floor). I'll leave you with our parting gift: one of Burt's originals (I failed to mention that our friend is an accomplished, professional artist).

The painting now resides in our hallway (I want to paint the frame...any color suggestions?) where it brightens up what once was a dull walk to the bathroom. If you stop and give the painting a moment to speak to you, you can hear the faint words of the Rolling Stones, "Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away."

Urinary Confessions

2008-04-23T09:21:00.007-07:00

This post got me thinking along these lines.

I remember one girl in high school who used to laugh so hard she would pee her pants. She had done even done it at school. At the time, I thought it was ridiculous.

Then I remember when a friend, in a Zara's dressing room, trying on some clothes when she apparently just exploded, she just kept peeing and peeing and couldn't stop once the flood gates opened. Pee was all over the floor and she started using her clothes and a tank top she was trying on to clean it all up (this is way more hilarous than it sounds). To prevent the pee from going in the next stall she had to scoop it with her harms and soak it up. She left the store, soaking wet (fortunately she was wearing a black dress that hid the incident quite well, after buying the urine soaked tank. She told the gaging cashier, who had to hold the tank, and unroll the now dissolving tag to ring it through, that she spilt her drink on it.

I have never been so ~~entertained by~~ embarrassed for someone in my entire life.

Over the years, I have become more sympathetic to those who have suffered at the hands of pee, since my urinary track has become less kind. It's not that I need to go more frequently, it's just that when I need to go...I have to go...right then...no stalling...no second chances (I like to pretend like this has something to do with age and nothing to do with the bad habit of drinking a ton of fluid, really quickly, all at once). This condition has made me more comfortable with going pee in public restrooms and the like because it is a matter of necessity, not nice-ities.

So, in honor of the girls I once laughed at here is my most recent urinary confession.

Paul has to work overtime and weekends on a regular basis. Sometimes I'll work with him on the weekends so he isn't by his onesie. Until fairly recently, I could actually go onto the jobs to help him work (this was up until a particular situation that included Paul, Me, a camera, a bedroom full of nearly-nude female posters, and a comment about "faithful company representative extracting water"). Anyways, now when I go, we just drive around together and I bring homework or a book and read in the box truck while he is working.

Well, about seven seconds after Paul left into a new job, it hit me. But I couldn't use my only option because I didn't want get Paul in trouble [again] by going inside and asking to use the facilities. So I held it.

Do you know when you have to pee so bad that your back starts to hurt and it feels like someone has a death grip on your bladder and you can only sit one way, nearly doubled-over in pain, with your legs just right because that is the only thing holding it all in, and the whole world around you ceases to exist because the only thing that matters in the entire universe is whether or not you get to pee? Ya, it was one of those times.

This time I didn't have the luxury of waiting it out and hoping the urge would subside. As the seconds passed the emergency only seemed to become more severe. I became frantic for ideas. There I was, in civilization, but totally stranded.

Then I saw it. Three water bottles: two empty, one full. After asking the heavens for forgiveness for my cursing the fact that I wasn't born with a penis that would have made this situation a whole lot easier, I literally prayed that Paul would run out to the truck for something, anything, so I could use his knife. He came. *Alleluia*

I made him cut the tops off the two empty bottles (again, not having a penis eliminates any possibility of aiming, so I needed a more forgiving opening) and I ran in the back of the box truck (that I was terrified that someone would open trying to steal stuff, only to catch me doing that, in that position, in used water bottles) with tissues from my purse and the full bottle of water ready for my hands afterwards.

As the first bottle was quickly filling, I had no clue how i was going to do the switch over to the second bottle while in such an awkward position, trying not to drip on my jeans. I don't know how it worked out, but I made the swap. Whew! Clean. Safe.

Knowing that both of the bottles were 16 oz, and after cutting the tops off, they were now closer to 15 oz, I thought that would be plenty for the situation. I began to panic as the second bottle was quickly passing the half-full mark without any signs of stopping. I began to assess my options (we all know you can't stop mid-stream), the only one being to dump the water from my hand rinsing bottle without the top cut off. *rapid breathing*

It stopped. With two bottles, literally full to the brim, it stopped.

After doing the things we do after we pee, I hoped out of the back of the box truck into the apartment complex parking lot, grabbed my nearly 30 oz of urine and deposited it in the already dead grass behind the dumpsters.

As I got back into the truck to dump hand-sanitizer on, I glanced with gratitude to the heavens who had provided me with a way that day.

My Celebrity Tea Party

2008-04-16T09:36:00.012-07:00

I wish I could say this was a tag that I was asked to do so I didn't have to admit this is my own lame thinking.

Over the last couple hours, amidst my other random, embarrassing, and ridiculous thoughts, I have been thinking of my favorite celebrity women. Part of this thinking is due to my jealously of all the people who got to go to V to the 10th (the Vagina Monologues 10th anniversary show with a cast of Salma Hayek, Oprah Winfrey, Faith Hill, Jane Fonda, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Hudson, Glenn Close, Ali Larter, Calpernia Addams, Rosario Dawson, Kerry Washington, Jennifer Beals, Didi Conn, Christine Lahti, Doris Roberts, Liz Mikel, Charmaine Neville, and more) and part is just because sometimes I imagine having tea parties with celebrities. What? OK. Sometimes I imagine being all dolled up, wearing the best fitting and looking jeans the gods ever made, and dining with the A-listers. You do to, you just don't admit it.

So, if I were to have a girls-only luncheon with my favorite celebs...here would be at least some of the guest list. (Just so you know now, I would not invite Britney Spears: if I did, who would we talk about the whole time?)

TINA FEY
This woman is totally brilliant. Plus she did the best impression of Daisy on Rock of Love II that I never could have imagined.

JENNY MCCARTHY
I have probably had a heterosexual girl crush on her since like 7th grade. She is hot and goofy and really does it for me.

CHELSEA HANDLER
I was just recently introduced to this dry, sarcastic, spicy dish of hilariousness.

TYRA BANKS
Before Tyra was Tyranny (as I like to call her...ya...learn it...love it...pass it around. I did this before with The Pope-rah [for Oprah] but then Stephen Colbert took it and said HE came up with it...urg), I thought she was something else in the hotness realm. Now that I know what a crazy-nuts-o superpower she is, I can't get enough.

GWEN STEFANI
Can you blame me? She is a total icon.

ELLEN DEGENERES
This woman sweats humor. Being funny comes so naturally to her. I'm totally jealous.

So what do you think of my list? Do you have a thing for powerful blondes like I clearly do? Who would you add? Eliminate? Or what would yours be?

One Year Shy of a Quarter-Century

2008-04-09T08:23:00.015-07:00

Paul is 24 today! So here are 24 things about Paul (Nicole does this for birthdays, and I like it, so I'm stealing). (I know it looks super long, but it's fast, I promise)

1. He grew up in a house of endless adventure (I could listen to hours of his childhood stories)

2. Tragically though, Paul has one of the worst long-term memories ever (This forces me to rely on Jason's utterly entertaining memories to get my fix of Paul's childhood)

3. Paul loves mountain biking, though he does not have the time for it that he used to.

4. He is such a hard worker and does the inexplicable to support our little family.

5. He's a rocker (one day I have to figure out how to post his "Guns n Poses" videos)

6. And he's a biker

7. He wishes he could have long hair (me too), but has to cut it for work (don't even get him started on this ;D)

8. He wants to be a social worker.

9. He isn't a big fan of pets.

10. He loves Disneyland.

11. He loves basketball (oh my gosh...it's his new obsession!). (I wish I had the pics of him in his Jazz Brewer shirt up...and this pic makes me want short hair again)

12. He's hot.
13. His best friend since forever is Zach.

14. He loves The Office.
15. He loves Arrested Development.
16. He loves The Simpsons.

17. He has great eyebrows.
18. He studies really hard.

19. He is overwhelmingly supportive.
20. He loves the outdoors.

21. He loves chess.
22. He loves Peanut M&Ms
23. He loves The Great Sandwich.
24. He is the too honest for his own good.

Happy birthday to my baby!
You rock my socks off!

Idaho: The Appetizer

2008-04-07T12:29:00.004-07:00

Paully and I spent the weekend in Idaho visiting Paul's dad, Burt, and the illustrious Vonna.

It was a really great, interesting, and heart-wrenching, experience.
Anyone who has seen alzheimer's can only imagine what poor Burt deals with on a day to day basis. I can't attempt to tell you how many times he had to tell her it was too cold to go to the zoo, or that Tara (Vonna's daughter) isn't coming until Mothers Day. His life isn't far from babysitting 24/7. It was nice to try our best to give him a break and get to know them both better at the same time.

We must admit though, we kept ourselves plenty entertained with conversation.
I don't have the pictures up yet...they are coming soon...but here are a few quotes for starters.

"What's your name?" --Vonna
"Kira" --Kira
"Bet you can 'hear-a' lot." --Vonna

"We're just waiting for the Magic Hour."

"Let's go to the Flea Market, that'll kill some time." --Burt

"Bye. I'm taking the Nissan to go see Tara." --Vonna
"Let her go ahead and try. The Nissan hasn't started for years." --Burt

"There's plenty of good stuff in here" --Vonna (pulling an empty, plastic, store-bought cookie tray from the garbage can)

"Genuine, authentic, Navajo pot."

"Well, she's got some big ol' tits." (the reason why the goat is suspected to be pregnant)

"Oh how horrible! Of all the horrible, gruesome...look at the death and the gore...I am going to tell him how horrific that it...I am going to tell him!" --Vonna (at the sight of a hoodie with skulls on it)
"No. No. Stay here. You don't have to look at it; just look at us." --Paul
(Vonna stares at Paul, cross-eyed)

"Can I tell you a secret? I HATE Idaho." --Vonna

"Tie him up...hold him down." --Vonna

"Why do they call me snowball, when snowball ain't my name" --Vonna (singing)

"You two don't look anything alike for being brother and sister." (to Paul and me)

"Burt hates when I whistle. He turns away and pretends he doesn't see me put my fingers in my mouth to do it. It is so loud, so right after I do it, I look around like everybody else like I am trying to find out who did it." --Vonna

"I am so good at fixing things because I was born a boy." --Vonna

I'll try to get the pictures up tomorrow. You have to see Paul's dad...I can imagine him in magazines, he is the perfect looking old man.

It really was a great experience and I think we will be going up again...we have been invited to see the kids (baby goat kids) when they are born in May.